Summary: Balaam and Jonah discuss the trials of not following the Lord's will. A light-hearted conversation best played slightly cartoonish. It is especially important to get an amusing person to do the donkey parts. The braying gives it that extra punch.
Style; Light-hearted. Duration: 10min
Actors: 2M, 1M/F
Scripture: Numbers 22-24. The book of Jonah.
Setting: Living room. Coffee shop type atmosphere.
Characters: Balaam. Jonah. Donkey.
Balaam : (Walking on stage.) Hello Jonah.
Jonah: Balaam! How have you been?
Balaam: Don't even get me started.
Jonah: So it's that way is it? Man, have I got a story for you.
(They sit down.)
Balaam: Well, I doubt you could beat my story. Donkey trouble, you know how that is. I've got this little grey haired beast with a big mouth. Her name is Gertrude. Every day this is what I hear....
Donkey: (offstage voice) Hee Haw!
Balaam: Yep, that's what I hear every day about.... (Interrupted by braying.)
Donkey: Hee Haw!
Balaam: Yeah, every day about bedtime I....
Donkey: (really starts to bray) Hee...haw...he...haw....
Balaam: Quiet! Sheesh. That's donkeys for you. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, it all started when the Israelites, God's chosen people, came close to my country. You see, the King was afraid of the Israelites and wanted me to put a curse on them. So he sent some men to try to persuade me...they told me about the... (looks greedy and rubs hands together)...the money that the King would give me. But God said no, don't go, and I said no! I won't do it! (Crosses arms and looks stern.) Then the King sent more men. They said the King would give me lots and lots of money (rubs hands and looks greedy) to go and curse God's people. (Laughs nervously.) So I said. I'll think about it. (Brief pause) Finally, I said to myself. Hmmm...lots and lots of money, why not? Take me to the King, men!
Jonah (shaking head.): Oh man, you shouldn't have done that!
Balaam: Just wait, that wasn't worst of it! What do you think I had to ride? Yep, my little grey friend, Gertrude. I just rode a little way with the King's men and then guess what happened? The donkey galloped off the road and into a field!
Donkey: Hee Haw!
Balaam: Then she started braying, just like that! First, I tried to push her pack onto the road you see...just like this... (Balaam starts to demonstrate enthusiastically.)
Jonah: Hey, hey, calm down man. Just cool it...we got people watching.
Balaam: Oh yeah, right. Anyway, do you think that pushing worked? No! Finally, I was so angry I beat her with a stick! Eventually we got back on the road, but I was embarrassed I tell you. The King's men sure thought I looked silly. They laughed and laughed. AHAHA, look at Balaam and his donkey they said.
Jonah (gravely): You should have listened to what the Lord said.
Balaam: Yeah well anyway, we went a little further until we came up to a narrow path with two stone walls on either side. Can you guess what happened then? Bam! Gertrude slams my foot into the wall! Just like that, slam into the wall! AHHHH! It hurt! (Grimacing.) You better believe it; I brought out my stick and hit her again! Hard! But the stick bounced off her hide and hit my eye!
Donkey: Hee Haw!
Balaam (Off stage): Yeah you laugh, donkey! Humph. Anyway, yeah, that is what happened. And do you think getting angry helped? Nope, all that happened was that I got a sore eye. Humph! We rode another five minutes then guess what happened? Gertrude lay down in the middle of the road! I rolled right off her back and into a mud puddle. The King's men laughed at me again. AHAHA...Ohhhh yes I was angry I grabbed the biggest, strongest stick I could find and I smacked her. Can you guess what Gertrude did then?
Donkey: What have I done to make you beat me these three times?
Balaam: Yep, my donkey spoke to me! Oh yeah I was surprised. The King's men were surprised too! I dropped my stick right there in the mud puddle. Then I told the donkey a few things! Then the donkey talked to me again! Just like a human!
Donkey: Am I not your own donkey? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?
Balaam: No. That is what I said. No. Then I was in for a bigger surprise! Can you guess why the donkey didn't want to go forward? There, in the path, was an Angel. The donkey knew better then to go against an Angel. I wasnt very smart in trying to go against the Lord! I offered to go back home, but the Angel said I could go along with the King's men, but that I must only speak what the Lord says. So I went along with the King's men. And when the King asked me to curse God's people, I told the King: I must only speak what the Lord puts in my mouth. And I did, I only said blessings instead of curses on God's chosen people.
Jonah: See how much easier it would have been if you had listened to God in the first place? You thought a donkey was bad; fish are worse, let me tell you....
Balaam: A little fish...compared to a talking donkey? Bah!
Jonah: You'd be surprised! It all started when God told me to go to Nineveh.
Balaam (Shaking head): Oh my, let me guess, you didn't go....
Jonah (Crosses arms): Nope. I sailed off to Tarshish!
Balaam: (Wagging finger) You should have listened...Where is Tarshish anyway?
Jonah: It wasn't where I was supposed to go...that's all that matters. Now if you'll just listen, I want to get back to my fish story. We were sailing along nicely till we ran into a storm. Then the sailors on the ship I was on threw me overboard! That was when the fish ate me. Swallowed me right up in a big gulp. (Opens mouth wide, and closes it to demonstrate.)
Balaam: (eyes wide) Then fish swallowed you? That was a bad day! You know, I've always said that the good thing about donkeys is that they don't try and eat you...Hmmm...How did you finally get out of there?
Jonah: I cried out to the Lord for help and guess where the fish spit me out? Nineveh beach...so I thought to myself, I'm here anyway...Maybe I better preach what the Lord said!
Balaam: Then what? Then what?
Jonah: (Blandly) The people repented, just as the Lord wanted them to.
Balaam: There, you see how much easier it would have been if you had listened to the Lord in the first place?
Jonah: Well, I think you should know about that. But I suppose I better get going, it is getting late. I have a long walk ahead of me to get home.
Balaam (Rubbing hands): Walking? Hmmm...You wouldn't need a donkey, would you? Let me tell you about my Gertrude...if you're looking for a good little donkey...she's your filly...perfect for those little trips to Tarshish...
Jonah: Trust me; I'm not going back there anytime soon!
Balaam: Of course not, of course not...Now you just come with me and I'll show you the donkey...she is actually a nice little donkey...And you'll love this, she won't eat you! I guarantee it. As a matter of fact....
Donkey: He haw He haw He haw! (Drowns out Balaam and Jonah as they walk off stage talking to each other.)