Husband: (Slightly annoyed.) So, tell me again…. Why are we doing this?
Wife: Because we'll have fresh vegetables.
Husband: So does the farmer's market.
Wife: Honey, we are communing with nature.
Husband: So are the bugs.
Wife: We're spending quality time together.
Husband: (Sarcastically.) Yes, Dear, being nagged to death is a real bonding experience.
Wife: What do you mean, you're being nagged to death?
Husband: Well, let's see..."Don't plant those so close together. Are you paying attention to what you're doing? You're planting those too far apart. I said carrots, not cauliflower." Oh yeah and my personal favorite, "Mr. MacGregor, you're not."
Wife: (Hurt.) Well, if you don't want to help me, maybe you should just go inside.
Husband: Thank you. I think I will.
Wife: I can't believe you're going to leave me out here with all this work still left to do!
Husband: But you just said...
Wife: (Interrupting.) You never listen to what I say, why start now?
Husband: Okay, can you help me out, here? What would be the correct answer?
Husband: What do you want me to say?
Wife: (Beginning to sniffle.) Why don't you want to be with me?
Husband: Why do you always answer a question with a question?
Wife: Why do you?
Husband: This is ridiculous! Will you please calm down? It's not you that I don't want to be with. It's just Mother Nature I'd rather not have this bonding moment with. Seems kind of insane to me. This whole gardening thing. You're forcing seeds to grow in an environment that you've specially designed. You spend hours and hours chasing away bugs and pulling weeds. You take it personally when they don't grow correctly. If it's such a frustration for you, then why do you do it?
Wife: Because it's worth it.
Husband: (Rolling his eyes.) Okay, now this ought to be good. Why is it worth it?
Wife: Well, I love the feeling of accomplishment. I like it when our neighbors hang over the back fence asking us how we grow such beautiful tomatoes. Besides, it's a challenge. Every year I have to figure out when to plant, what to plant, where to plant it and how to keep the kids and the dog and the bugs and the soccer ball from mauling the whole blooming mess. I love it! It's so much fun!
Husband: Oh yeah! It sounds like a blast. A real recipe for a stress induced coronary.
Wife: Besides, it's my own miracle.
Husband: (Placing a hand on wife's forehead or cheek.) Dear, you've been out in the sun too long. What do you mean it's a miracle?
Wife: Because every spring I think of all God goes through with every person He puts on this earth. He plants us, the seeds, in an environment He designed. He spends immeasurable time chasing away the bugs....
Husband: (Interrupting.) Wait! Wait a minute.....God chases away bugs? (Laughing.) BUGS? You have been out here too long.
Wife: I see the bugs as temptations. You chase away one and the next thing you know, there are thirty more. Seems there's nothing more persistent.
Husband: And the weeds?
Wife: Easy!. They're the normal, everyday kind of things. Stuff like the kids' activities, work for both of us and even our involvement at church. In moderation, they're no problem. But left unchecked they can choke out every other living thing in the garden. So when busyness threatens, we need to weed things out.
Husband: What's that stuff you're putting in the water? (Watching as wife puts drops of growth food into the watering can.)
Wife: Miracle Grow". It gives the plants the extra nutrients they need for growth and to resist weeds and bugs.
Husband: (Amused.) The only thing we get sprinkled with is acid rain -- not vitamins and minerals.
Wife: I think Miracle Grow is like God's word. If we spend time with it, it makes us resilient to life's weeds and bugs.
Husband: And then we live happily ever after in the Garden of Weedin', right?
Wife: (Smiling.) You've got it.
Husband: (Pause.) Hand me that spade, will you?
© Kieran Lin Rich 1996, all rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. She may be contacted at: KRich13@bellsouth.net