By: Tom Guild and Janelle Ponte
A husband and wife are too distracted by a multitude of disturbances to really hear the sermon.
Husband and Wife
Multiple cell phones, purse, cough drops, peanut M&M's, paint swatches, taped slip of paper on mens watch, nail polish
Wife: I've been looking forward to Pastor Gary's sermon all week!
Husband: So have I. He's preaching on listening to God's voice in a person's life and not being overly busy with the world. I know a few people who need THAT message. Ssshh..the sermon is starting.
Wife: (4 seconds into the sermon wife begins to slightly cough, she begins to rummage through her purse loudly and pulls out a cough drop and unwraps it without being discreet)
Husband: (watching her unwrap the cough drop) I'm still kind of hungry, breakfast wasn't that filling. (He pulls out a package of M&M's, opens the package, pours some in his hand and a few fall on the floor, he reaches to get them)
Wife: (cell phone rings) Hi Mary, I'm in church. Oh! You're at the store? Yellow or blue? Go with yellow - I have a pair of blue ones already. Great! Thanks! Bye!
Husband: (starts slapping the air with his hand)
Wife: What's wrong?
Husband: There's a gnat in here!
Husband: See!? Look?! (tries to wave it away)
Wife: Put your hand above your head, gnats are drawn to high points.
Husband : (raises hand - a few moments later) What?! Oh, No sorry pastor, I didn't have a question. (Brings hand down quickly)
Wife: Did you hear that?? Pastor Gary was talking about being too self-absorbed to hear God's word. (appear to be touched) Self-absorbed…Oh..that reminds me! Now that the primer in our downstairs bathroom has dried…we have to pick a color…which one do you like? (pulls a handful of paint swatches out of her purse)
(husband and wife look at paint swatches and decide on a color. Husband bends down to put swatches back in purse)
Husband: Dear, did you know you have run in your stocking?
Wife: Oh dear!! (takes care of the run with nail polish as husband listens to sermon)
Husband : Did you hear that dear? The Lord wants people to know how much he loves them and he desires that people seek his face to establish a wonderful relationship with the Eternal God. If people would only take the time to….. (Watch starts beeping, or cell phone, or blackberry, whatever device you can time the moment with.)
Woman: Look at that guy over there? Blowing his nose like no tomorrow! Doesn't he realize how disruptive that is?! Hey….Sssshhh.
(woman turns away and notices a fingernail that needs to be filed, and files it)
Husband: Did you hear what the pastor just said?
Wife: Huh? Oh, no sorry I was trying to think about what we are going to have for dinner? You want Chinese or Italian??
© Copyright Janelle S. Ponte and Tom Guild, all rights reserved.
This play may be performed free of charge, on condition no entry fee is charged. In return for free performance, the authors would be appreciate being notified where and when the play is performed. They may be contacted at email@example.com