By Kristen Gatenby
A satirical look at how life might look if Christians behaved exactly the same as everyone else… Key Words: Morality and Christian life; Christian witness; living holy in an unholy world.
1 Corinthians 5, Romans 6, Romans 12:1, Ephesians 5, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7, 1 Peter 2:11-12
Jane (Karen's best friend)
Liam (Jane's brother)
A regular lounge room. Two lounges sit in a V-shape on stage, with a coffee table in the middle. Two cups of coffee sit on the coffee table. Note for non-Australian audiences: Feel free to swap an appropriate town name for "Melbourne" if needed. This script was written in Sydney, so the idea is of a city some distance away (in another state). Berocca is the brand name of a type of effervescent Vitamin B tablet that dissolves in water. Feel free to substitute a local brand name as required.
(KAREN and JANE are seated, chatting over coffee.)
JANE: So anyway, I told Vince what she'd said, and he went completely off his nut.
JANE: Oh, yeah. I can totally understand it, though. I mean, imagine how you'd feel if your ex-girlfriend went around sharing bedroom secrets with everyone.
KAREN: I can see your point. But from what I heard, he deserved everything he got.
JANE: Not everything, surely.
KAREN: Well, Tracey told me about the New Year's Eve party. Judging by the way he treated her there, I think she was perfectly justified in spilling the beans.
JANE (eagerly): I hadn't heard about that. Tell me more.
KAREN: OK. You remember how Paul had been bragging about his gorgeous cousin who came up for the holidays?
JANE: Not really.
KAREN: How could you miss her? She's the daughter of that pastor from Melbourne. A Claudia Schiffer look-a-like.
JANE: Oh, yeah. I've got it now. Legs up to her armpits.
KAREN: That's the one. Well, it seems our dear Vincent took a bit of a shine to the pastor's daughter. Spent most of the night trying to charm the pants off her.
JANE: (disbelieving) No.
KAREN: Yep. Eventually, they went for a "walk" when Tracey wasn't looking.
JANE: So what happened?
KAREN: Tracey finally went to find him, and caught them outside in a slightly compromising position. It's hard to explain to your girlfriend why your lips are locked with another woman's!
JANE: You're kidding.
KAREN: Nope. Vince blamed it on the booze, of course, but Trace dumped him there and then. She's been telling everyone what a loser he is ever since.
JANE: That should make bible study an interesting time. It'll be fun watching them try and be leaders together!
KAREN: You're telling me! (pause) Oh, I didn't see Andrea and Duncan on Sunday night. Is everything OK?
JANE: Oh, it's fine - just the usual moving in together hassles. They were moving her stuff into his place, and were too exhausted to come to church. You know how tiring moving house can get.
KAREN: Yeah. They are such a cute couple. When do you think they'll get married?
JANE: Well, no date is set yet, but I think if they get on well enough in the next couple of weeks, we might hear something.
KAREN: That is so cute. I'd love to go to another wedding. There just aren't enough going on these days.
JANE: Well, if you get a move on with Brad, you might just get your wish, Cinderella.
KAREN: Don't be silly, Jane. I have to get him to notice me first. (They laugh.)
JANE: Speaking of cute guys, did you see that new bloke on Sunday night?
KAREN: Who didn't? It's hard to ignore someone surrounded by a crowd of swooning females. (She performs a mock swoon)
JANE: I couldn't take my eyes off him. Listening to the sermon was a pretty hard task, I can tell you.
KAREN: Was there a sermon on? I couldn't hear anything over all those beating hearts.
(They giggle again. LIAM enters, armed with Berocca and a glass of water.)
LIAM: Girls, girls, not so loud. I'm trying to fool my brain into thinking it's not hung over. (He sits between KAREN and JANE)
JANE: Ah, the party man himself returns. (Louder, into LIAM's ear) How's it going Liam?
LIAM: (Winces) Thanks for your sympathy, sis. (He drops a berocca in the water)
KAREN: So, I take it last night was a success?
LIAM: I can't remember. (JANE and KAREN look at him suspiciously) Joke! Man, where's your sense of humour? It was actually pretty good. You'll be happy to know that Paul and I behaved ourselves very well. No bar-room brawls this time.
JANE: You can't have been that good if you're suffering for it this morning.
LIAM: I had less than I usually have. (Sips his drink)
KAREN: How many?
LIAM: Only about eleven beers.
JANE: Is that before or after you lost count?
(LIAM makes a face at JANE.)
JANE: At the rate you're going, you won't be in a fit state to run youth group tonight.
LIAM: I'll be fine, don't worry. With a few more of these babies (picks up the Berocca) it'll all go away. The kids won't notice a thing.
JANE: Except that you'll be playing those "Let's be quiet" games again.
LIAM: I think they quite enjoy those ones.
KAREN: Hey, do you think I could invite Lauren tonight?
JANE: Sure, if you don't mind her seeing Return of the Living Dead, here. (Points to LIAM)
LIAM: Who's Lauren?
KAREN: Just a friend from work. I'm trying to convince her to come to church, but she's a bit reluctant.
JANE: How come?
KAREN: I dunno. I keep telling her that being a Christian will change her life, but she doesn't seem to believe me.
(They all sip their drinks thoughtfully.)
© Kristen Gatenby, All rights reserved This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. She may be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org