The Meaning of Life
By Trevor Fletcher
Why are we here? What’s life all about? Two friends, Wayne and Stan
are enjoying a drink and having the sort of conversation people have in
pubs. Stan fancies himself as a bit of thinker whilst Wayne is a
couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. Written for use as an introduction
to a '40 days of purpose' series answering the question 'What on Earth
am I here for?
Stan: There you go then, there's yours – a pint of lager and cranberry
juice and a packet of German sausage and sauerkraut crisps.
(Stan sits down and they drink)
Stan: Down the hatch. Shame about old Bert.
Stan: Yeah, you know, traffic warden – used to drink in here.
Wayne: Oh Bert – what happened to him then?
Stan: Got hit by a parked car.
Wayne: Hit by a parked car?
Stan: Yeah, it was parked on his head by some bloke he gave a ticket
to. Died instantly.
Wayne: So was he all right then?
Stan: (Sarcastically) Oh yeah, he was all right – died instantly
but took a couple of aspirin and was right as rain in the morning!
You really are a plonker aren't you Wayne?
Wayne: (Sheepishly) Oh yeah…right.
Stan: Makes you wonder, though.
Wayne: Yeah, makes you wonder all right… (pause)…Er, what does it make
you wonder about?
Stan: About life, of course.
Wayne: Oh yeah, life – makes you wonder about life don’t I?…(pause)…
Er, what about life exactly?
Stan: Well, Einstein, for example, what does it all mean? What's
the meaning of life?
Wayne: (Smirks) That's easy! I know that.
Stan: Don't be daft, you’re the stupidest bloke I know – how could
you know what the meaning of life is?
Wayne: Course I do – it's a film, innit – with them Monty Python blokes.
Stan: You know, Wayne, if you had twice as much brain as you do you'd
be half way to being a halfwit! I'm not talking about the film; I'm
talking about what life's all about. Why are we here?
Wayne: Oh I get you. What's life all about, right… So what is
life all about then?
Stan: Well, I dunno, do I? Some people think it's all planned
– you know, by some Supreme Being…
Wayne: What, like George Bush you mean?
Stan: I said Supreme Being, not soup-brain. Other people think
it's just like you; a freak accident. Take my Dad, for example, he's
Wayne: I thought he was a Leo.
Stan: Not his star sign, spongehead; I mean he subscribes to the theories
Wayne: Darwin – don’t know him. He must drink at the Rose and
Stan: He doesn't drink anywhere, he's dead.
Wayne: What, him as well? Was he with Bert then?
Stan: No he wasn't with Bert. Look, let's pretend for a moment
that the space between your ears is not just an echoing void. Darwin
was a scientist, right, and he thought up the theory of evolution.
Wayne: What, like we’re all distantly related to monkeys and all that?
Stan: Yeah, that's right – though not so distantly in your case.
Wayne: So first there was monkeys, right, then all of a sudden some
of them stood up straight and started to shave?
Stan: Well no – it's not quite as simple as that – unlike you.
First there was the Big Bang and out of that popped Earth and on that grew
these tiny single cell organisms called amoeba which is where all life
Wayne: Ameobi? Doesn’t he play for Newcastle?
Stan: More or less the same thing, I suppose.
Wayne: So what do you think?
Stan: Me? I think Darwin was a bit of a twit as it happens; I
can't help thinking there's got to be some sort of intelligent life out
there controlling it all.
Wayne: Well there certainly isn't any intelligent life in here, is
Stan: No, you're right Wayne. Anyway, whose round is it?
Landlord: Time, gentlemen please!
Copyright Trevor Fletcher, all rights reserved.
This script may be used without royalty payment, provided no charge
is made for entrance to the performance. In return, the author would like
to be told of any performance. He may be contacted at: email@example.com