(Patient enters from side, Receptionist is seated behind desk working)
(Patient stands at desk, waiting for Receptionist to see her, Receptionist takes her time)
Receptionist: (looks up at Patient) Can I help you?
Patient: Yes, I have a 2:30 appointment with the doctor.
Receptionist:(looks through appointment book, speaks who looking up) did you say 2:30? Ms. Ocean (looks up at Patient) Emma Ocean?
Patient: Yes, Emma Ocean, that's me.
Receptionist: Well, Ms Ocean, if you'll just take this form (holds the clipboard out to Patient) and fill it out while you are waiting and give it to the nurse when you are done. (Patient takes clipboard) You can have a seat right over there (points to chair)
Patient: (Looks at form then walks to chair and sits down gets pen and starts with form, speaking to herself [reverb]) Name, address, phone, birthdate, today's feelings (pauses and reads again) today's feelings? What do feelings have to do with a check-up? Oh well, I guess I can put down something (pause to think, taps pen on clipboard) (speak like you are reading as you write) 'I've felt better' (pause, to look at form) Alright, what else is here? 'How did you feel yesterday?' (looks around with a confused look, then back at form) How did I feel yesterday? What has that got to do with anything?
(Nurse enters from opposite side, and stands beside receptionist's desk)
Nurse: (calls out her appointment) Ms. Ocean, Ms. Emma Ocean?
Patient: (looks up and stands up) Yes?
Nurse: (walks to Patient and extends hand to shake) Ms. Ocean, I'm your nurse, B. Divine (Patient shakes hands and looks at audience and shakes head) I'll take that clipboard if you'll follow me. (Nurse turns and leads Patient to exam room)
(In exam room)
Nurse: You can have a seat on the table, and roll up your sleeve.
(Patient Looks around to table and sits on it near end and facing the audience at angle. Nurse turns to items on the far end of the table and messes with them)
Patient: (Speaks while rolling up sleeve) Do you think this will take long? I've got an important appointment in 1 hour.
Nurse: (Picks up flash light and tongue depressor and steps in front of Patient) No, it shouldn't take long, but it will be time well spent because you can't see a better doctor anywhere on earth. Now, look at the light (shines light in one eye, then the other) Uh, huh; now open your mouth (tongue depressor on tongue, shines light in mouth) Uh, huh. The doctor will be very interested in this.
Patient: (surprised) Interested in what?
Nurse: (returns to items on table, writes on clipboard, picks up thermometer, speaks matter-of factly) You're very dark inside.
Patient: (more surprise and confused) Dark?....Inside?....what does that mean?
Nurse:(unflustered, methodical) Hold this under your tongue (puts t in Patient's mouth)
Patient: (garbled) What do you mean by dark?
Nurse: No talking (goes to items on table, writes on clipboard, and gets blood pressure kit, returns to side of Patient, begins to take blood pressure)
Patient: (garbled) Everybody's dark inside! There's no light inside a person!
Nurse: (smiling) Oh, but there needs to be. (concentrates on blood pressure) Let's see what it reads (pause) Oh, my goodness! I'm glad you came in! Your emotive gauge reads 'hysterical' (takes off cuff and lays aside).
Patient: What?!!! I thought that was a blood pressure test?!
Nurse: (unmoved) Now, let's check that exhil-a-mometer (takes out thermometer and reads it) I better show this to the doctor right away! (Picks up clipboard, leaves room by side exit)
Patient: (Leans toward exiting nurse) Wait a minute, Ms, ah, Nurse Divine! What kind of exam was that?!!! (Sighs and sits back on table; pause) Well, I can't wait to see what the doctor says...(rolls down sleeve)
Nurse: Alright Ms. Ocean. The doctor said you'll be just fine! (Gives Patient a slip of paper) You do need to follow the doctor's orders very carefully, though! You can leave when you are ready. Nice to meet you! (N leaves)
Patient: (studies slip of paper for a moment, then reads out-loud) Prescription for Ms. Emma Ocean....Take 2 aspirin and call me.....every morning.
© Fred Lane, Crosswind Community Church, All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org