By Andy Lund


Just think how more effective God would have been if He had had the benefit of modern communication tools!






Pete: So, how many have you got, then, Andy?

Andy: How many what?

Pete: Megabytes on your hard drive.

Andy: Oh...right..mega...?

Pete: Megabytes on your hard drive.

Andy: Yeah, of course, megabytes on my hard ...

Pete: Drive.

Andy: Drive...yes. Well...well...

Pete: Yes? Cos it is quite crucial for your up and coming media man to have sufficient.

Andy: Oh.. yes..I should say so. Well, it was quite a tough journey coming across on the M3, so I pulled in at the services and had a big breakfast. I wouldn't call it a particularly hard drive though, nothing out of the ordinary. Come to that, the breakfast wasn't that big, either. Couldn't really call it a megabite - more very satisfying - you know, 2 egg, bacon..

Pete: No, not megabite. Not b i t e . Mega b y t e.

Andy: (not listening) sausage, black pudding...

Pete: And a hard drive is not a trip down the M3 either...

Andy: ...mushrooms, hash browns...

Pete: Andy! Shut up.

Andy: ...fried bread... what?

Pete: I don't think you've been listening to a word I've said.

Andy: I find it's best not to.

Pete: Yeah, well I am trying to communicate something of value here. What I'm saying is, if you are in the media business, the communication business, you need tools for the job. In short, the latest technology. You need plenty of megabytes on your equipment - ideally, gigabytes of memory. You'll want to be E-mailing. Surfing the Internet...

Andy: No, I couldn't do that. I tried it once in Newquay but I'm just not built for all that buffeting from the waves and I don't even like the Beach Boys. (Sings)

Pete: What are you talking about? Surfing is not that kind of surfing

Andy: Oh...

Pete: No, when one is talking of surfing the Internet, one is referring to accessing data from all kinds of databases and providers and retrieving and storing it.

Andy: Oh, right. Finding things out, like?

Pete: Well yes, and all provided down the telephone lines via your modem.

Andy: (Clearly puzzled) Oh right. Your modem. I see

Pete: An essential piece of kit for modern communication.

Andy: This modem is essential?

Pete: Absolutely. It opens the gateway to a veritable feast of on-line information.

Andy: And that would be what exactly?

Pete: That's not important. The thing is you need one. You need to enter the bright new future of information technology, my friend. We are talking ROM's RAM's, E Mail's, fax's .....

Andy: Cocoa tins.

Pete: Cocoa tins. ... What do you mean?

Andy: You know me and Charley Pringle used to put one on each end of a bit of string and talk to each other. Worked pretty well, actually. Of course, Charley Pringle went on to work for COMTEL. Put his experience to good use.

Pete: The trouble with you, Andy, is you are still in the cocoa tin era. You need to come up to date. It's a brave new world, my friend.

Andy: Absolutely. Brave new world. How have we managed without it all, I ask myself.

Pete: Now you are beginning to see. Modern technology is a must in the search for mass communication. Just think. The difference that could be made to the history of the world. Take your God for instance.

Andy: Right, your God.

Pete: Yes, your God. Instead of giving Moses all those commands and expecting him to chisel away on ... on..(indigestion)

Andy: Tablets?

Pete: No, it's all right I've had some Milk of Magnesia.

Andy: No, I mean, Moses. He had to chisel on tablets of stone, like.

Pete: Yes, well if God had just waited until the invention of the word processor he could have made life much easier for himself, couldn't he.

Andy: And he could have put in "Thou shall not covet they neighbour's modem."

Pete: Well, be that as it may. And your Jesus. Now if he had only been born in more recent times, say since the introduction of the CD ROM, think of the influence he could have had.

Andy: Whereas he started with, like, 12 blokes and nowadays all there are are ...what would you say, Pete?

Pete: Millions

Andy: Millions of followers. In every country in the world.

Pete: Every country

Andy: Speaking every language. Whereas had he had... had he had the benefit of your new super dooper computer with a likely useful lifespan of, what?

Pete: 5.

Andy: 5 years. He could have ensured that his message would not become obsolete.



© Andy Lund 1999
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the play is performed. He may be contacted at: