The Handyman

by Joanne Miller


A neighbor is always helping out so the lady next door decides to say thank you with an ice cream cake, which she has made especially for him.  After a light hearted exchange about some of the projects he has helped with over the years he reveals to her that he can not eat the cake because of his cholesterol and his wife just found out she is lactose intolerant.


Carl Ė the handyman 
Jill Ė Carlís neighbor


(Scene opens with Jill knocking on Carlís door.  She has a cake pan in hand.)

Carl: Hi, Jill.  Come on in.

Jill: Carl, I just came over to tell you how much I appreciated you helping Brett with the tree. (Sets cake on table)

Carl: Yeah, well Iím sorry about your roof.

Jill: Itís ok.  You had no way of knowing that the tree would fall that way.

Carl: I should have known.  Iíve taken down a lot of trees in my lifetime.  Somehow that one just got away from me.

Jill: Itís all right.  Brettís up there now with a few shingles.  He says heíll have it fixed in no time.  No need to worry.
Carl: Iím sorry about your rose bushes too.

Jill:  Oh, theyíll come back.  Theyíve taken worse than that before.

Carl: But the worst part is little Jimmyís bike.

Jill: Yes, well that did take a bit of explaining to Jimmy.  I think heís o.k. now though. We told him weíd get him a new bike.

Carl: Iíll pay for it.

Jill: You most certainly will not.  It wasnít your fault, Carl.  Honestly, Brett didnít think the tree would fall that way either.

Carl: Well, I do feel responsible.

Jill: The fact is that you were just trying to help and we appreciate that.

Carl: Thanks for being so understanding, Jill.

Jill: Brett and I were talking about all the things youíve helped us with over the years starting with the new fence in the side yard.

Carl: That fence sure made a difference in your yard, didnít it?

Jill: It sure did.

Carl: Iím just sorry we didnít get it up right the first time and it fell on your dog.

Jill: Yes, King still wonít go near a fence to this day.  But the point is that weíre so grateful for all your help over the years.  Remember when you and Brett put the spotlight on the back of the house?

Carl: Oh yeah, the one that was supposed to come on at dusk and off at dawn to discourage any would-be burglars at night.

Jill: Yes, well we finally took the light bulb out so it wouldnít stay on all day.

Carl: We never did get that working right, did we?

Jill: No, but the point is that you worked so hard on it.  Then you two guys put in our second bathroom.

Carl: You have to admit that was a success.

Jill: It was.  And I still donít have to worry about the toilet sweating in the warm weather.

Carl: Not everyone has hot water to flush their toilet with.  Youíre very unique.

Jill: And then thereís the wall to wall carpet you two put in the family room.

Carl: Well, Iím not sure you could call it wall to wall; itís more like edge of the couch to edge of the chair.  We thought we had that measured perfectly before we cut it!

Jill: Yes, but itís in and no one else knows itís supposed to be wall to wall.  Anyway, Carl, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your help over the years.  You are a great neighbor.

Carl: Why thank you, Jill.  You and Brett are great neighbors, too.

Jill: I made a little something for you and Mary as a small thank you.

Carl: What is it?

Jill: Itís my homemade caramel chocolate ice cream cake.

Carl: Oh, no.  Not the one that takes you 3 hours because you make your own ice cream for it?

Jill: Thatís the one.

Carl: That was very nice of you, Jill, but I gave up sweets just yesterday.  My doctor warned me about my cholesterol.

Jill: Then give it to Mary.

Carl: Mary's just found out sheís lactose intolerant.

Jill: I see, so neither one of you can eat any of this.

Carl: Sorry, Jill.  But I know you and your boys will make short work of this.  Here you take it home and enjoy.

Jill: Somehow I donít think I will.

Lights out.
Copyright John & Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
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