By Daniel Guilliot
This airline believes that you can go anywhere that they feel like telling
you where to go. The underlying theme is that there is truth, even in a
postmodern world that tries to convince us that everything is relative.
Bob/Sue- passenger trying to book a flight
Jane- airline clerk
(Setting: Airport terminal, at the counter of All Things Relative Airlines.
Bob/Sue walks with a lot of baggage to the counter of the All things Relative
Airlines. No one is at the counter.)
Bob/Sue: Hello, is anybody back there? Hello?
Jane: Well, I do believe in intelligent life out of space, if that
is what you are asking?
Jane: Sorry, just a little sense of humor. Welcome to All Things Relative
Airlines, how may I help you today?
Bob/Sue: (still confused over the joke) Uh, huh… I need a flight today
to Miami and wanted to know if there is anything available.
Jane: Let me check? Will this be your final destination?
Bob/Sue: Well, you see…(pauses) Wait a minute, why do you need to know?
Jane: Miami just seems like such a final destination. Would you be
interested to fly to Los Angelus, then, on to Singapore, you’ll spend three
weeks there, then Oh my God go to Hawaii. (begin to do an Hawaiian dance)
Bob/Sue: (frustrated) No, No, No, I just want a one way trip to Miami,
Jane: Okay, You don’t need to be so judgmental; (mocking the customer)
I just want a trip to Miami. (Types on the computer harder) Okay, you’ve
got a ticket for Miami.
Bob/Sue: Thank you, what time does it leave?
Jane: We have flights leaving at 12:30, 2:30, and 4:30, 6:30; 8:30.
Bob/Sue: Wow, you guys must have a lot of planes that fly to Miami.
Jane: Actually those are not set times.
Bob/Sue: What do you mean, set times.
Jane: Well you see, I could give you a ticket for 12:30, but it doesn’t
mean that it will take off at that given time.
Bob/Sue: Let me guess, union rules, right?
Jane: No, we just do not believe in making our pilots do anything they
don’t feel is right.
Bob/Sue: So, you're telling me if I got on a plane for a 2:30 flight
the plane may not get off till 8:30?
Jane: Some times not even till the next day.
Bob/Sue: What kind of airline is this?
Jane: (confused and blurts out) All Things Relative Airline… where
we’ll go anywhere that we want you to go.
Bob/Sue: How do you guys stay in business?
Jane: (again with the confused look, looks at her watch) Hey, what
do you know, it is time for my break.
Bob/Sue: (trying to trick her further) You sure about that, I mean
maybe the clock is wrong and you still have another three hours till your
Jane: Sir/Madam, this may be All Things Relative Airline, but I know
when it is time to eat. Good day.
Bob/Sue: Are you sure it’s a good day, I mean how do you know it is
a good day? (pause as Jane walks off) I’m sorry. it is just my sense of
humor. (Bob/Sue exits)
Copyright Daniel Guilliot, all rights reserved.
This script may be used without royalty payment, provided no charge
is made for entrance to the performance. In return, the author would like
to be told of any performance. He may be contacted at email@example.com