By Benjamin J. Stephens
The phone rings and one who is trying hard to stay away from too much food finds themselves in a difficult situation when they receive a call from a rogue hamburger.
Burger (voice only)
BURGER: Guess who this is.
WOMAN: (Nervous) The Jewel Tea man?
BURGER: (Laughter) That's what I've always loved about you - great sense of humor. (Suddenly serious) Let me give you a hint - I taste good.
WOMAN: (Sweat on the upper lip) A baby carrot in low fat ranch?
BURGER: There's that humor again. No - take another guess.
WOMAN: Watercress salad with a hint of cranberries.
BURGER: Really? People eat that stuff? No I'm one of them $6.00 burgers with a few strips of bacon and three kinds of cheese. You remember me, right?
WOMAN: (Hestitant) Yeah.
BURGER: Good - what are ya doing tonight?
WOMAN: (Rubs head nervously) Celery and Evian.
BURGER: That's like eating carboard and drinking nothing.
WOMAN: Fiber and clear liquids are good for you. Look, maybe you dialed the wrong number.
BURGER: Dialed? I'm using a cell phone - shoot I don't even have to use my finger - all I have to do is say - "send me to the lady on the diet," and your number comes up.
BURGER: I'll bring my friends the Fry family.
WOMAN: (Wipes mouth and looks up helplessley) "Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from burgers and fries..."
Copyright 2005 Benjamin J. Stephens. Should you use this script would you be so kind as to let us know of its use? email@example.com