By John Cosper
A barbed look at both the Da Vinci Code and some Christians' responses to it.
Jason- A Christian
Rob- Jason's neighbor
Aimee- A teenager
(The scene takes place at the box office of a movie theater, which hasn't opened yet. Aimee is first in line. Rob is behind her. Jason enters.)
JASON- Hey, Rob.
ROB- Jason, hey, what's up?
JASON- Nothing much. Helen and I are catching a movie tonight, so I thought I'd get our tickets before the rush.
ROB- I hear ya, man. This place is crazy on Friday nights. What are you seeing?
ROB- "Apocalypticon"? Haven't heard of that one.
JASON- It's a new Christian movie about the end times, starring Sandy Patti and that guy from that 80's TV show "Riptide."
ROB- "Riptide"? I loved that show.
JASON- You and Mena should come with! It'll be great.
ROB- Not tonight. Mena's got her heart set on seeing Tom Hanks tonight.
JASON- Tom Hanks? You don't mean you're seeing...
ROB- Yup, "The P.T. Barnum Code."
JASON- Rob... you can't see that movie!
ROB- Why not?
JASON- Because it's terrible!
ROB- Terrible? Tom Hanks is in it, Ron Howard directed it. It got great reviews.
JASON- But it's a steaming pile of lies! Do you know what that movie is about?
ROB- Sure, I read the book.
JASON- You did??
ROB- Yeah. it's a great story about a cryptographer discovers a secret society of televangelists hiding a dark secret about Jesus.
JASON- Rob, that book claims Jesus was a circus clown!
ROB- I know, shocking, isn't it?
JASON- It's insane!
ROB- I know. If I hadn't read the book, I never would have dreamed Jesus wore grease paint and a clown nose and delighted children with his witty antics. Or that he married the bearded lady. Or that his son was Jo-Jo the dog face boy. Or that his greatest miracle was only--
JASON- A card trick, I know.
ROB- You read the book too?
JASON- No. I read about it in the church bulletin.
ROB- They printed that? What an enlightened church you attend.
AIMEE- Excuse me, what movie was that you were talking about?
ROB- "The P.T. Barnum Code."
AIMEE- That sounds so cool. I was gonna see Will Farrell's new movie, but maybe I should see that instead.
JASON- Absolutely not! You cannot see that movie!
AIMEE- What are you, trying to be my mother or something?
JASON- Just a man who loves Jesus and believes in the truth!
ROB- Jason, the story was based on facts from the author's research and interviews with people in the circus community.
JASON- But it's all wrong!
AIMEE- How do you know?
JASON- Because... it's in the Bible!
AIMEE- Can you prove the Bible's right?
JASON- (getting angry) I don't have to! The Bible's the Bible! And it's right. That book is wrong!
AIMEE- But how can I know that?
JASON- (really angry) BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS SO!!
ROB- Whoa, Jason, buddy, calm down. It's only a movie.
JASON- It's not just a movie, Rob. I can't calm down, and I can't stay silent when Tom Hanks and Ron Howard are desecrating the name of Jesus!
AIMEE- Whoa. Look, pal. My mother took me to church as a kid. The pastor was a crook and a liar. I don't know your church, and I don't know your Bible. But I know that Tom Hanks and the guy from Happy Days would never deceive me!
Jason, Aimee, and Rob freeze. You can go to a blackout here, or go on with the optional ending, where the 3 main characters stay frozen and an actor who is Not Tom Hanks enters.
NOT TOM HANKS- Hi. I'm Not Tom Hanks. The dramatization you just saw was a work of fiction that could never happen in real life. Hollywood is a place of great moral fiber, and would never spew lies about Jesus. And even if they did, we all know Christians are well-educated, thoughtful people who not only know their Bible, but the over-whelming evidence to support our faith outside the Bible. And therefore, Christians would never, ever counter a silly, work-of-fiction movie by simply screaming and yelling "because the Bible says so." Thank you.
© John Cosper Jr
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