Mates, Episode 5 - The One with the 'Chavs' next door

By Tom and Cressida Bullock


MATES is a series of sketches that regularly appear in the MIX services (contemporary worship) at Preston Road Church (Yeovil, Somerset, England).  While not directly Christian based, they are designed to tackle moral issues that are related to Christianity.  This episode of Mates teaches its audience to 'Love thy neighbour'.  


Outside and inside the flatmate's new house.


Voice over (Can be pre-recorded if necessary),
Mr Asbo,
Mrs Asbo


TV, Drill, 'Chav' Clothes, First Aid Kit.


(Opening Theme - See footnote for how to obtain sounds)

Voice Over: It’s another episode of MATES, and Sarah and Tom are moving to a new flat.

Sarah: So Tom, this is it, we have finally found ourselves a place to stay.

Tom: Yes but I am going to miss the old flat. We had a lot of happy times there.

Sarah: (puzzled) Yes...Um...Happy times...sure.

Tom: Surely you remember when I got myself a new girlfriend and performed elegantly in the ballet “Swan Lake”?

Sarah: How could I forget? Your girlfriend, Gemma, went off with John behind your back, I was scammed by Parcel Farce and from what I remember you were far from elegant and were quite relieved not to perform in Swan Lake.

Tom: OK, well Lucy-Ann and I did become superheroes though, that's something you don't do everyday. You didn't.

Sarah: TOM…You HATED it and you didn't even last a day.

Tom: Maybe, but you can't say we didn't learn a lot.

Sarah: I suppose, but it doesn't matter now.  Look - we're at our new flat...

Rory: (coming on stage) Oh, hello, you must be my new flatmates, Sarah and Tom?  Welcome in, my name's Rory.  Come inside and put your stuff down, you're just in time to watch everyone's favourite Australian soap on TV!

Tom: (Excitedly) Oh good - Neighbours!

Rory: I'm looking forward to meeting you more. I've been looking forward to having new house mates ever since you 'phoned me last week!

Sarah: We're really excited about meeting you!

Neighbours theme tune is played

Tom: (Trying to watch the television) Shhh I really want to see what happens to Robert who is Cameron who is really Robert who is pretending to be Robert pretending to be Cameron. It's getting really exciting! (May want to change this line to something more topical!)

Rory and Sarah: Oh, sorry etc.

(Drilling is heard from next door)

Tom: (looking round) don’t they know that Neighbours is on?

(More Drilling is heard)

Tom: If they keep that up I’m going to, I’m going to... well I’m going to do something.

Sarah: Oh Tom, give them a chance they probably don’t know that you’re even here, let alone that you’re watching Neighbours.

(More Drilling is heard followed by Mrs Asbo shouting 'Ouch!')

Tom: Right, that’s it! (stands up)

(Doorbell Sound Effect)

Sarah: (Disgruntled) Oh Tom!  Oh, Well, get the door on your way out then…and Tom, be friendly, we don’t know these people or what they’re like.

(Tom exits)

Rory: Oh they’re alright really, Mr. and Mrs. Asbo - our next door neighbours, I’m sure they will be…uh…understanding.

Tom from offstage: (Very sarcastically) Look who’s here, it’s those dear old people from next door.  I will bring them in for a nice CHAT don’t you think?

Sarah and Rory: TOM.

(Mr Asbo, Mrs Asbo and Tom enter, Mr Asbo holding a drill and Mrs Asbo hopping and holding foot. Both are very chav like.)

Mr Asbo: Hey Dudes, How’s it goin’?  I was just wondering if any of you guys knew a thing or two about the old First Aid stuff.

Mrs Asbo: Uh Hu, yep he seems to have dropped a drill on my foot and it’s totally whack!

Mr Asbo: Yeah man I was like, drillin’ a hole and I got my extremely expensive blingin’ Necklace caught and we like thought "I wonder if any of the crew next door could help us out?".

Mrs Asbo: ...Oh yes, fine, whatever, and I just missed neighbours but you don’t see me coming over to your house to complain do you?

Mr Asbo: That’s pretty bad man, I’m sorry ‘n’ everythin’. We didn’t know anybody watched that show anymore (Tom looks offended). We don’t want no beef with ya’ or nuffin. So d’ya think you could help my foot?  Hey what did you call yourself bruv?

Tom: I didn’t, and I’m not your brother.

Sarah: He’s Tom and I’m Sarah, and we have just moved in with Rory and I’m sure we will be happy to help.

Mr Asbo: Ah cheers, that’s totally safe man. You are one solid dude. Respect!

Tom: Oh whatever - you are getting no help from me, you still haven’t made up for what you did.

Sarah: (Taking Tom aside) Tom what are you doing, we should be helping these people not moaning at them.

Tom: They are clearly Chavs and they interrupted my TV.  It takes a lot to forgive that brother, init…I mean Sarah, doesn’t it.  Why should I help them?

Sarah: Because they have apologized and they are our neighbours who need our help.

Rory: I need a few extra hands. Can you two help me?

Sarah: Come on Tom, you are meant to be good at first aid.  Why don’t you show us what you can do?

Tom: (Directed at those currently administering first aid:) No, no, no you are doing it all wrong, not like that. Move over and let the expert in. I bet I can get this done easily.

Mrs Asbo: OW!

Rory: Everything is back to normal.

(Boom Bam Boom Boom Sound) 

Voice Over: Will Mrs Asbo’s foot ever get better? Will Tom become a doctor? And will they settle down into their new home without too many disasters?
I doubt it. Find out next time on Mates.

(Closing theme) 


© Tom and Cressida Bullock. All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged, unless if the money goes to a charity or good cause.  In exchange for free performance, the authors would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the script is performed.  They will send you any sound files that are used in this episode of MATES for free, by e mail. The authors may be contacted at: