By Tom Bullock (et. al.)
MATES is a series of sketches
that regularly appear in the MIX services at
The 'MATES' Flat (Living Room).
Voice over (Can be pre-recorded if necessary)
Two Mobile Phones; A Photo of Gemma, Tom's Girlfriend; a bottle of Tango; a newspaper for Sarah to read.
(Opening Theme - See footnote for how
to obtain sounds)
Violets are blue.
And here's another episode of MATES,
Especially for you!
(On phone) That's good, you'll deliver my "techno-whizzer
box!" And when will it be delivered? ... later
on today? ... Oh that's brilliant! ... Oh, don't worry about that, I've got
faith that you'll deliver on time! (Hangs up)
Brilliant! My new techno-whizzer box! is going to be delivered later on by that world renowned delivery company, Parcel Farce!
Tom: (Looking chuffed)
Hello, Lucy-Ann, Hi Sarah! Are you Alright?
Lucy-Ann: Yes Thanks Tom!
Sarah: You seem rather
happy today, Tom!
Tom: Yes I am!
I've just spent the morning with my girlfriend, Gemma!
You've not told us about her before!
Sarah: What does she
Tom: I've got a
photo' of her here - (hands to Lucy-Ann and Sarah) Be
careful of it though!
Lucy-Ann and Sarah: She
looks very pretty.
The only problem is that she does ballet and she's just roped me into helping
her with the ballet of
Sarah: It sure will!
You can't dance at all!
(Depressed) I know, and, to make matters worse, Gemma
won't be able to rehearse with me, because she's busy seeing John - the one
who broke his leg - in hospital! The show's going to be a disaster! She'll
be horrified when she finds out the truth about my ability to dance.
Lucy-Ann: You mean
your inability to dance!
you think that you're being rather dishonest, Tom?
Sarah: But Tom, your
poor girlfriend is going to have faith in you, faith that
you'll be all
right to perform with in
Oh, that's where you're wrong! You see, I've contacted [Member of congregation
or Minister's name]
Sarah: Tom, you
don't fool me that easily. Tell me the truth!
Tom: Well it all went
wrong. I walked off the dance floor, when he said it was time for the
I thought he meant that it was time for a drink! (Holds
bottle of Tango). To be honest, it was a nightmare!
Tom: Oh! That's
That's my phone! (Answers phone) Hello! (Away from Phone)
of the delivery men from Parcel Farce!
Tom: (Answers phone)
Hello! (Away from Phone) It's Gemma!
(Back on phone). And how
are you today? ... (Delighted) ... you
NOTE THAT THE TEXT IN ITALICS OVERLAPS
WITH THE NEXT LINE.
... (Really Crossly) You haven't! So you mean that I won't
get my techno-whizzer box, because you went to
Tom: ... you are an
amazing person, Gemma,
you've managed to get John back to full fitness, so that he can dance, after
after all, that is what I paid for! (To Audience) Would you
believe it, That stupid Parcel Farce! man set the
sat.nav. in his van
on the wrong course!
Course I don't mind, Gemma! (Away
from phone - happy, to audience) Would you believe it, I don't have to do
Lucy-Ann: Sarcastically) ... absolutely brilliant! So I've got to wait till next week just because you've wasted the day...
Dancing? You're spending the rest of the day dancing with John, ready for
the show! ... Yes, it's a shame that you've got to be with him and not me,
I think you're going to have spent more time with him this week than you've
ever spent with me, but after all, it's only a week! .. What? No, Gemma,
of course I don't think that you're being un-faithful to me after all, I've
Lucy-Ann: ... faith in
you, I did! I had faith in
you, and what do you do? Waste a day driving to the wrong place and
then you don't even ...
don't even realise how much I
don't mind ... Oh,
Lucy-Ann: (Moodily) Yes!
darling, I love you and I will always...
Lucy-Ann: I will
always hold this against you. Good
bye! (Hangs up).
Tom: Goodbye Sweetie pie! (Hangs up). Right ... (Lucy-Ann is about to sit on Gemma's photo) Be careful of Gemma! I mean, the photo' of Gemma! (Leaves photo' on sofa.) ... Phew! ... I'm going to hang on to this phone, because Gemma said that she'll send me a text, a little bit later! (Exits)
Voice Over: A
little bit later...
Sarah: I wonder where Tom
is. He went off a couple of minutes ago, to read the text from his
(Off stage - sad) I don't believe it! I just don't believe
it! (Enters stage).
Sarah: Hi, Tom! Oh,
incidentally, you left Gemma's
here! (Gives it to Tom, who rips it
up into lots of small
pieces). Tom, what's wrong? ... Was it that text?
... look (Hands Lucy-Ann phone).
Brilliant isn't it. I was pleased that I'd got a girlfriend and didn't see
that coming - going off with John behind my back. How unfaithful!
Lucy-Ann: Seems that
you've lost your faith in Gemma
lost my faith in Parcel Farce.
Tom: (Still fuming)
Brilliant isn't it, just brilliant! (Lobs the bits of photo
into the air
and storms off stage.)
Voice Over: Ahh.
Isn't that sad.
I on now?
Will Gemma ever go back to Tom?
Does she realise that she's missed out on the better guy?
And what is a techno-whizzer box?
Find out another time on MATES!
© Tom Bullock (et al). All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged, unless if the money goes to a charity or good cause. In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being notified of when and for what purpose the script is performed. He will send you the sound files that are used in this episode of MATES for free, by e mail. The author may be contacted at: email@example.com.