Mates - Episode One
The One With The New Flat Mates
By Tom Bullock (et. al.)
Mates is a series of sketches that regularly appear in the MIX services at
Preston Road Church (Yeovil, Somerset, England). They are a spin off from the
popular sitcom, FRIENDS. While not directly Christian based, they are designed
to tackle moral issues that are related to Christianity. I aim to make them
light-hearted and relatively easy to perform. If you use them, please feel free
to change character names or parts of the script according to your needs
In this, the first episode of Mates, Tom discovers the importance of rules.
Voice over (Can be pre-recorded if necessary)
Annie-Luce and Lucy-Ann - Different people, but identical in every way and played
by the same actress.
An old, not very good, laptop computer
Blackboard or White board
Advert for flat
(Setting: The 'MATES' Flat (Living Room). (Opening Tune - See footnote for how
to obtain sounds)
Voice Over: In a land not too
far from here is a flat. Tom is in charge of it, but he is all alone, so
we'll join him now as he searches for two new flat mates.
Tom: (On Phone) Oh, hello. Am I speaking to Sarah?
Sarah: (From off stage) Yes, you are.
I thought that you said you'd call me at three o clock. You're seven minutes late.
Tom: (Surprised) Oh, am I? Sorry. I must
have got carried away with the (sings) Teletubies, teletubbies, say hello., Eh
oe! (Realizes that he's just made a fool of himself) Whoops!
Sarah: It looks like I'm going to have
to get you organized when I join you in your flat as your new flatmate. Now tell
me, have you got everything ready for when I arrive tomorrow?
Tom: (Away from phone): Cleaned up the
lounge - well - just about, washed the dishes, made the beds ... (aside) into
even more of a mess than they were. (Back on phone) Yes, I think so.
Sarah: So, you've got me a key?
Tom: Actually I';ve got two. One for you
and one for Annie-Luce. She's the other new flatmate who arrives later on today.
Sarah: And also, Tom, I need to know what the rules are.
Sarah: Rules of the flat. Surely you've
worked out what the rules are. Rules will help the flat to run smoothly.
Tom: Well ... (to aud) I remember that
when Ian and Emma were in charge, they gave me a list of rules but I can't remember
for the life of me what they were. I must have stuck to them fairly well though
'cos they never evicted me. I don't see what I need rules for, anyway. (Back on
Phone, in a tone of voice that suggests that he thinks that Sarah is really weird).
Sarah, I'll let you know what they are when you arrive. (To aud) If I can't think
of a way to get around it first!
Sarah: Right then. I'll see you at the
flat at 10.00am, prompt and I won't arrive
seven minutes late. Goodbye!
Tom: Bye Sarah! Phew! Well she
sounded weird. How on earth does she think that rules will help the
flat to run smoothly? No-one needs rules!
(Vigorous knock on external door).
Tom: Oh! That'll be Annie-Luce - my new
flatmate! I've already told her that there aren't any rules in this flat. Oh no!
What will Sarah say? Oh well, I bet that from the moment that she arrives, she'll
prove that rules are not necessary.
(Annie Luce Opens Door)
Tom: Hello! You must be Annie-Luce!
Annie-Luce: (Excitedly and
shouting) Yes! That's right and I'm here to party! (Runs in
and jumps over sofa) Just let me install my programmes onto your
laptop! (She heads to Tom's Laptop). I've got loads that I
use all the time. (rhetorical question:) You don't mind, do you?
Tom: Well, actually, I suggest
that you don't, you see, that laptop doesn't have much
space on it but it's got all my work, important letters,
credit card details and all my other crucial things on it and if you
install anything, it'll probably ...
Computer: This computer has crashed. This computer has crashed. This computer has crashed.
Tom: (Sighs and hits head against wall)
.. Crash. I hope that all my files are still OK.
Computer: All files have been erased. All files have been erased.
Tom: Oh No!
Annie-Luce: Come on you stupid
thing (hits laptop, causing it to smash into smithereens. Groans and
then looks at T.V.) What's that on the telly? Wow! It's
<add a local football team hear> versus <add an opposing
football team hear>! It looks like <opposing team> might even
score a goal! They haven't done that for years! Come On! Come On!
Tom: (Horrified) You're not an <opposing team> Supporter?
Annie-Luce: Yes! And this has to be taped. Where's the remote for the video? (Picks VCR remote up).
Tom: No, I don't think that's a good idea,
you see, my favourite T.V. programme "Award winning websites from heaven"
is on that tape and I don't want that to get taped over.
Annie-Luce: Too late! Drat, they didn't score.
Tom: (Sarcastically) What a surprise!
Annie-Luce: Anyway. I'll be off now. I'm going to buy some pink paint.
Tom: What for?
Annie-Luce: To paint the dreary walls
of this living room. It's boring.
Tom: But you can't do that because I'm in charge and I hate pink.
Annie-Luce: Yes I can. You told me that there weren't any rules to this flat. (Annie-Luce exits through the internal door.)
(Crazy frog music is heard from internal door)
Voice Over: That night Tom could not get
any sleep because Annie-Luce stayed up all night dancing to that horrible Crazy
Frog Ring Tone. Every time that Tom asked her to turn down the volume, she just
Annie Luce: You said that there weren't any rules in this flat.
Voice Over: ... It was then that Tom realised
that he needed some rules.
Tom: I realize that I need some rules. (Tom Exits).
Voice Over: By the morning, Tom had evicted
Annie Luce as she had become completely out of hand. (Annie Luce exits through
Tom: Oh and Sarah's going to be arriving in a little while. I bet she'll be prompt.
(There is a knock at the door)
Tom: (Aside) Told you! (Opens door) Hello, you must be Sarah.
Sarah: That is correct. Now I hope that everything's ready for me. My goodness! What's happened to your laptop!?
Tom: It's a bit of a long story.
Sarah: Have you got the rules fully prepared for me now?
Tom: Oh drat! Bother! The rules!
Tom: I mean, Oh that! Yessss! The rules
are fully sorted!
Sarah: Give me a copy then.
Tom: But you see, (Lying) I typed them up on my Laptop and now the file's been wiped.
Sarah: So what are you going to do now?
Tom: (Still lying) Well, I thought that
it would be much better, to emphasis the rules a bit stronger, if you guessed
what the rules were and if you guess a rule correctly, I'll write it up on this
Sarah: Well, I'd guess
that the first rule that you'd have chosen is that all the
flat mates are kind and considerate to each other. That way, we'll
all be happy with each other and there should be no major falling out
Tom: That sounds good!... I mean,
Well done! You guessed right! So I'll write that one up now. And what would you
guess that I'd chosen as the second rule?
Voice over: And about two hours later,
Tom had written all the rules on the board after Sarah had 'guessed' them. Now
it was 1.00pm.
(Knock on the door)
Tom: (Opens door and slams it
shut very quickly) Aaaahhhggggh! That... that ... that ... that was ...
Annie-Luce at the door. I'm not answering it!
Sarah: You can't just leave the girl on the door step. I'll answer it. (Opens door and Lucy-Ann comes in). Hello.
Lucy-Ann: Hello. I'm Lucy-Ann.
Tom: Lucy Ann? So you're not Annie-Luce!
Lucy-Ann: No! Who's she?
Tom: Don't ask!
Lucy Ann: OK then. I've been looking for
a flat and I saw your advert. (Holds advert up).
Tom: Well you can join us, but we have some rules here and you'll need to agree to them.
Lucy-Ann: (Looks at rules) Shame about
Bristol City and Crazy frog - I like them, but I'm sure I can live with those
rules. Hey, Tom, do you have a computer and if so, could I install a couple of
programmes that I tend to use?
Tom: I'm afraid that my laptop's broken,
but even if it worked, there wouldn't be enough space. I'd like to buy a new superdooper
laptop, but I've not even got half the money to buy one.
Lucy-Ann: Same here. I've only got half of the money to buy a new one.
Sarah: Well, I'm in the
same position, but (points to rules) we could work as a team and buy a
laptop as a group for all three of us!
Lucy-Ann and Tom: Yes, great idea, etc.
Sarah: Right, come on then, let's get down to P.C. World!
(Lucy-Ann and Sarah exit through external exit)
Tom: You know what, that Lucy-Ann girl
seems to be almost the same as Annie-Luce. She looks the same, she talks the same
and her clothes are the same! You could almost believe that she is
the same person! But, she's fine, now that we've got these rule. I reckon that
without them, it would have been disaster number two and the flat would have been
painted orange, my second most hated colour. If we all keep to the rules, we'll
get on really well together and we'll be laughing!
Sarah: (From Offstage) Oh! Tom, Hurry up!
Tom: Better go off and choose our computer now!
(Boom Bam Boom)
Voice Over: Will the flatmate's staff in P.C. World be of any use?
Will the keep on getting on well with each other?
And will I ever stop singing the Annie Luce's crazy frog tune?
Find out in the next installment of MATES..
© Tom Bullock (et al).
All rights reserved
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies
are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged,
unless if the money goes to a charity or good cause.
In exchange for free performance, the author would appreciate being
notified of when and for what purpose the script is performed. He will
send you the sound files that are used in this episode of Mates for
free, by e mail.
The author may be contacted at: firstname.lastname@example.org.