By Chris Wyatt
A successful churchman discovers that the qualifications for entry to Heaven are not quite what he had expected.
(Scene: An office, furnished very simply - just a small desk and chair. Seated at the chair is an angel, writing in a book. Enter a male, middle to late middle aged.)
MAN: Ah, here I am at last. Knew I'd have no trouble.
ANGEL: You're where, sir?
MAN: Where? Heaven, of course.
MAN: What do you mean, aah?
ANGEL: You're not actually in heaven, merely at a staging post along the way.
MAN: Not there yet! But I'm dead, aren't I? As dead as I'll ever be!.
ANGEL: Dying doesn't automatically get you into heaven, you know. There's a little bit of paper work to clear up first. Even heaven has its little bit of bureaucracy, I'm afraid.
MAN: Let's get on with it, then. I don't want to hang round here all day, not when the prize is so close.
ANGEL: Tell me about yourself.
MAN: Well, I'm a Christian. (confidentially) A charismatic one, too. I went forward at a Billy Graham crusade, got baptised in the sea, came up speaking in tongues, that sort of thing.
MAN: People tell me I have ... had? ... a good voice, so I sang for the Lord in services and at evangelistic outreaches. Quite in demand, though I say it myself.
MAN: Later, I was made an elder, and as I was also good with figures, I was church treasurer for the last ten years.
MAN: (Slightly exasperated) And what? What else is there?
ANGEL: Visited any prisoners!?
MAN: (Puzzled) No.
ANGEL: Took good news to the poor!?
MAN: The poor? There weren't any poor people in our church. We stood on the Lord's promises and claimed his blessings. I continually proved him with my giving, and saw it return a hundred-fold.
ANGEL: Released any captives!?
ANGEL: Recovery of sight for the blind?
Angel: Performed any miracles?
ANGEL: No miracles.
MAN: Look, what sort of questions are these? I thought you'd want to know all about what I believe....
MAN: ....or what I did for the sick.
MAN: Ah, I thought that would interest you. We had a weekly prayer meeting about the sick in our town which I always attended. I even gave a prophecy once about their healing. I'm sure it must have helped them.
ANGEL: Thank you.
MAN: Any more questions?
ANGEL: No. Just the one.
MAN: Just the one?
ANGEL: (Closes book.)
MAN: (Triumphant) That's it, then! When do I enter?
ANGEL: (Rises) Don't call us, we'll call you.
© Copyright Chris Wyatt 1975. All rights reserved, etc.
This play may be performed free of charge, on the condition that copies are not sold for profit in any medium, nor any entrance fee charged.
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