By Joanne Miller
A husband and wife give each other beautifully wrapped gifts which they
each proceed to throw in the garbage unopened. We later find out
that each "gift" contains things such as anger, lies, manipulation, etc.,
all of which are being thrown out of the house so they can start the New
Year off right. At first they are sickly sweet to each other but
they gradually disintegrate into a major squabble.
Mike: Happy New Year, Sweetheart.
Judy: Happy New Year. Hereís your present, Honey.
Mike: And hereís yours.
Judy: O.k. You go first, Darling.
Mike: Oh no, Sweetie, you go first.
Judy: Well, alright. Would you please bring over the garbage
Mike: Oh course, my pet.
(Mike brings the garbage over and Judy tosses her ďpresentĒ in without
Judy: There! Your turn.
Mike: Here goes. (Tosses his wrapped present in the garbage too)
Done! Shall I take the garbage out, Sweetheart?
Judy: Please do, Darling. (Mike takes the garbage out and we
hear a door slam.)
Mike: There, thatís out of the house FOREVER!
Judy: Never to return again!
Mike: Thatís right.
Judy: What was in the box you gave to me?
Mike: Well, there was anger.
Judy: Uh, huh.
Mike: And lack of understanding.
Judy: Uh, huh.
Mike: And the word, never.
Judy: Ooh, thatís a good one.
Mike: What was in the box you gave to me?
Judy: Letís see, there were little white lies in mine.
Judy: And manipulation.
Mike: Uh, huh.
Judy: And, ďI remember 2 years ago whenÖĒ was also in there.
Mike: Thatís a very good one to have out of this house.
Judy: Yes, it is. Iím so glad we decided to do this. Weíre
going to be starting all over without all of those things in our house.
Itís going to be a wonderful year!
Mike: Yes, it is. (They embrace) I love you, Honey.
Judy: I love you, too. Happy New Year, Darling.
Mike: Happy New Year to you, too, Sweetheart. Would you like
some candy? (Passes candy) So what exactly did you mean by
Judy: Oh, nothing really. I just kind of threw that in there,
Mike: Well, you must have been thinking of something. What was
Judy: Alright, Iíll tell you but donít get mad.
Mike: I wonít.
Judy: Remember, manipulation and anger are out of the house now, ok?
Judy: I guess I was thinking of last Spring when you wanted to get
a new motorcycle.
Judy: Remember what happened?
Mike: Yeah, we had to get new carpeting instead.
Mike: I remember I decided that we needed the carpeting instead because
of the children. I didnít want them playing on such dirty carpet.
Mike: Wait a minute! I didnít decide that did I? You talked
me into that somehow didnít you?
Judy: Now, Mike, you said you wouldnít get mad.
Mike: Iím not mad, Sweetheart. (Said through clenched teeth)
I remember now. You said if we had the carpet just cleaned instead
of replaced the kids could still come down with something because it wouldnít
get all of the germs out, especially in the padding underneath.
Judy: (Warily) Mike.
Mike: You tricked me, didnít you, Darling?
Judy: Now, Mike, remember that anger is out of this house now.
Mike: (Goes to the door and drags the garbage back in.) Oh, no
itís not! How could you deliberately deceive me like that and even
use the kids to do it!
Judy: Oh, yeah, well I remember that time 2 years ago when youÖ
Mike: Oh, no you donít. ďI remember 2 years agoĒ is in this box
and itís going back outside! (He tries to toss her box out the door
but she grabs it out of his hand.)
Judy: Fine you can throw this one out (waves her gift in front of his
face), but then anger has to go out too. (He pulls his box out of
Mike: I donít think so!
(They begin to argue at the same time as the lights fade.)
Copyright Joanne Miller, all rights reserved.
This script may be used free of charge, provided no entrance fee is charged
for performance. In return, the author would appreciate being told of any
performance. She may be contacted at NIJWMiller@aol.com