The Court For People
By Glenn A. Hascall
Jim Greene takes his case to the Court For People. He has been excluded
from the Celestial Retirement Village and seeks to have his case overturned.
DUSTY: Welcome to another edition of The Court for People. I'm Dusty, and
today we have Jim Greene, a full time plumber who met with an untimely
accident. While he is not suing for damages related to the mishap - he
is arguing the merits of his exclusion from the Celestial Retirement Village.
Let's head to the courtroom. The Judge is making His was to the bench.
BAILIFF: All rise - the honorable God of the Universe presiding. Come
forth and you shall be heard.
GOD: Thank you, Charles. (To defendant) I have read your affidavit
and have full knowledge of your case. Mr. Greene please tell us why you
JIM: Well your Honor, I am a hard working guy. Shoot, I've even been
called out on Super Bowl Sunday to clean out the drain of some poor family.
GOD: Yes, I see that. Your charge is $60.00 per hour.
JIM: Actually it's higher in off hours.
GOD: (Looks at notes) So it is. Proceed.
JIM: Well your Honor, I was driving home from a job on the east side
when a car came out of nowhere and - BAM - smacked me right in the side
of my Supercab.
GOD: Mr. Greene. While I appreciate your story, I fail to see why you
are bothering this court.
JIM: What do you mean?
GOD: You have asked an audience with this court in an effort to overturn
your exclusion from the Celestial Retirement Village.
JIM: That's right, your honor.
GOD: I understand what it was the forced you into early retirement,
but you have not shown any compelling information that would overturn your
JIM: Well for starters I got family in the Celestial Retirement Village.
GOD: I'm sorry, Mr. Greene, did you have a point.
JIM: Well, I thought,... I mean. It just seems that if you got family
there that you'd automatically be welcome.
GOD: I'm sorry Mr. Greene, the rules clearly state that membership
falls under the responsibility of personal acceptance.
JIM: Well, I've done more good things than bad.
GOD: Remember, sir, you are under oath.
JIM: Well, I've done some good things.
GOD: (Clears throat)
JIM: OK. At least I never hurt anybody.
GOD: (Clears throat)
JIM: Intentionally - that is.
GOD: (Clears throat)
JIM: In the last six months.
GOD: Anything else.
JIM: I'd like to enter this Bible into evidence.
GOD: (Looks at the Bailiff) Bring that to me, Charles. (Bailiff brings
Bible to Judge who looks at it, blowing dust from the cover). Why exactly
did you want to enter this into evidence Mr. Greene.
JIM: I guess to show that I kept a Bible in my home at all times.
GOD: Was it buried in the basement, Mr. Greene?
JIM: I guess it had been a while since I had a chance to read it.
GOD: This doesn't really help your case.
JIM: Uh, I went to church.
GOD: (Looks at papers) Yes, Christmas and Easter.
JIM: There were other times too. In fact I was in church not too long
GOD: You're referring to your funeral?
JIM: (Embarrassed) Yeah, they sang hymns and everything.
GOD: OK, I think I have everything I need to make a decision.
DUSTY: (Step forward looking out at the audience) Will Jim's exclusion
from the Celestial Retirement Village be overturned or will..
GOD: Excuse me Dusty, I don't really need to take a break. I think
I can judge the merits of the case without a recess.
DUSTY: Sorry, your Honor (steps back in embarrassment)
GOD: Mr. Greene I have reviewed your life transcript and there was
no mention of an acceptance of Jesus Christ.
JIM: You mean that wasn't optional.
GOD: I'm afraid not, Mr. Greene. You see, there have been many who
have lived vile lives and were able to stand before this court unashamed
because they were judged by the perfection of Jesus and not their own.
JIM: How is that possible?
GOD: They agreed to allow Jesus to pay the price for their misconduct.
JIM: That's all there is to it?
GOD: That's all there is to it.
JIM: Why didn't someone tell me before?
GOD: I know that you were told - on several occasions.
JIM: (Dejected) I guess I just didn't believe it.
GOD: And that is exactly my point, Mr. Greene. You are hereby sentenced
to separation from God for the duration of your retirement in a place or
torment and heat.
JIM: (Upset) Well how long is that?
GOD: (Sad) It never ends, Mr. Greene. (Bangs gavel) This court is adjourned.
(Fade to black)
Copyright 2004 by Glenn A. Hascall, all rights reserved.
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