That's My Boy!
By Walt Scheiman
Two new fathers are standing outside of the hospital nursery looking through
the glass at their new sons. The hopes that they have for their sons
Tom, Walt (two new fathers)
(If used as a Christmas script, the carol "O Little Town of Bethlehem"
could play; with emphasis on the words, "the hopes and fears of all the
years are rest on you tonight")
(Setting: Outside a hospital nursery. One father looking through the
glass as the others enter. Lights up when 2 is in place.)
1--(enters and taps on the window) Hey, how ya doin' son?
2--Which one is yours?
1--(pointing) Thatís my boy right there. Third from the right.
2--Good lookin' kid.
2--(pointing) Mineís right over there.
1--Looks just like you.
2--(very proud)) You really think so?
1--Sure, see the way his nose is sort of bent to one side? (pulls his
nose to one side)
2--(trying to ignore him) Nice touch putting the boys in little baseball
uniforms (ALT.--Christmas stockings)
1--Itís the least they could do considering how much they charge.
2--(changing the subject) So, whatís his name?
1--(very proud) Walter Edward Scheiman the Third!
2--(laughing) No Really, whatís his name?
1--(offended) That is his name!
2--Oh . . . sorry.
1-(over the insult) Oh thatís OK. Thatís my dadís name.
Yeah, heís a great guy I figure maybe heíll turn out OK too!
2--Iím sure he will be.
1--Hey, what did ya think the first time ya saw him?
2--He was beautiful!
1--Oh, please, he was ugly. Theyíre all ugly. Mines face
was all sort of flat. (talking to baby) Hey, Walt this is what you
looked like the first time that I saw you. (pretends to press face against
the window, making face)
2-- I still say he was beautiful.
1--If you say so. (pause) Boy, I sure hope that he turns out OK.
I hope that I do a good job.
2--Iím sure youíll do fine.
1--Yeah, but what if he turns out to be rotten? (getting progressively
more panicked) What if he is mean and nasty? What if starts doing
drugs? And what if he start to steal to support his habit?
And what if . . .
2--Hey, hold it. What if he doesnít?
1--(thinking, relieved) Yeah, what if he doesnít?
2--(both stare at babies for a moment) See ya got a mitt. For
1--(excited) You bet. Iím gonna help him be the best ballplayer
around. Then one day heíll make the pros and make a gazillion dollars.
And all because his dad taught him how to play ball. You got something
for your boy there? (pointing to bible)
2--In a way. Iím heading up to my wifeís room. We read
together every night.
(ALT--Iím going up my wifeís room to read about the birth of
Jesus. Itís a family tradition.)
2--But someday Iíll get him his own.
1--A Bible? Whatís a kid goin to do with a Bible? Go get
him a mitt of a football. Donít ya want him to grow up and be a man?
2--Sure I do. Someday heíll be a great ballplayer. Iím
going to teach him! But that wonít make him a man.
1--So, what will make him a man then?
2--When he grows up loving the Lord. When he is faithful to his
wife. When he teaches his own kids where truth is really found.
Then heíll be a man!
1-- You sure have some strange ideas!
2--Yeah, I guess to most the world they are strange.
1--(both look at babies) Say, how about if you and me go find
a bar and do a little celebrating. By the way Iím Walt, just like
my dad and my boy.
2--Tom. (they shake hands)
1--So, how about it?
2--No, I donít think so. I already have a date.
1--Oh, yeah, I forgot. Well Iím going to go have a few
drinks and smoke a few of those ďitís a boyĒ cigars. (taps on glass)
See ya later Walt. You have a good time, Tom . (they shake hands and he
begins to exit) (ALT--By the way, Merry Christmas)
2--(ALT--Merry Christmas Walt) It was nice to meet you.
(Walt exits. Speaking to son) You're going to be a great man.
(sighs) You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. (stops,
thinks, looks up) No, the second best thing. Thank you God! (looks
at baby) I love you. Happy birthday son. (ALT--Merry
(exits as lights fade)
© 1996 Walt Scheiman.
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