By Andy Lund
A dissatisfied customer tries to get his money back because the Christmas feeling didn't last.
Customer: Excuse me. Ive come to exchange something.
Assistant: (Cagily) Ah, right. Have you a receipt?
Customer: (Rummages through bag/wallet) No luck, Im afraid.
Assistant: And what would this something be exactly that you wish to exchange?
Customer: Well, the Christmas feeling, really.
Assistant: I see, the Christmas feeling. Did I sell it to you? When was it?
Customer: Just before Christmas- I got it only a few weeks before.
Assistant: Ah, it wasnt in the sale was it? We have a policy that we wont exchange sale goods, Im afraid.
Customer: Wait a minute. Ive got rights, you know. Statutory rights. Anyway, it wasnt in any sale and you definitely were selling it. I remember big posters all over your store: "Get the Christmas feeling here". Dont you remember?
Assistant: Right. I see. Well, thats not exactly what we meant. Its just a turn of phrase really.
Customer: Well you ought to be more careful. There is such a thing as the trades description act, you know. Are you saying it wasnt true?
Assistant: Well it was and it wasnt. Tell me, what did we actually sell you?
Customer: (Finally finding receipt) Right, here you are. Let me see 12 crackers lights for the tree and a huge plastic glittering star.
Assistant: Ah, as I thought. Seasonal goods. Im afraid we cant exchange seasonal goods. Anyway were on to selling Easter eggs now and so on. I can do you a nice trade in for chocolate bunnies. Various flavours.
Customer: What, mixed?
Customer: So mixomitosis?
Assistant: No. The point is we cant give you back the Christmas feeling or renew it in any way. Seasonal goods. Youre stuck!
Customer: Ive already taken the tree back to the forest and the pudding back to the pudding club - but its not so much the goods - its the feeling I want exchanged. Its all worn off. (Downhearted)
Assistant: Well, with respect, what did you expect. Theres very little thats permanent in this world. You could hardly expect it to last into a new millennium. But youve still got the presents.
Customer: The wheel fell off the indestructible Tonka truck, my mobile phone toasted my earlobe and the anti wrinkle cream I got because Im worth it set like polyfilla.
Assistant: Surely something about the Christmas feeling lasts more than 4 weeks?
Customer: Well if there is, Id like to know what it is.
© Andy Lund, Durrington Christian Fellowship
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