By Nick Clarke
A light hearted sketch in which Joseph attempts to register the birth of Jesus, but finds problems explaining the circumstances.
Registrar ( R ),
3 Kings (K1, K2, K3)
R: Next !!
J: Er, hello…
R: Name ?
R: Full Name ?
J: Joseph Jacobson.
R: And you are here to register…
J: My son, but let me ex…..
R: Name ?
J: Jesus, but let me explain. He's not actually my son, you see…
R: Yes, I do see. I see this a lot these days, but it's usually the mother "left holding the baby", not some other relative.
J: No, you don't understand, I am the earthly father, but not in the biological sense.
R: Well, perhaps you can bring the biological father here to register his son himself… that is the usual procedure… otherwise you are just wasting my time…
J: Sorry, but I can't bring his actual father.
R: Why not?
J: It's a bit difficult to explain… I can't bring the father because of who he is.
R: Oh I get it, the dad is a famous celebrity, and you are his agent, trying to register the baby on his behalf.
J: Er…yes, I suppose you could put it that way.
R: Well, who is it then? I still need a name for the records. The information will be treated in strictest confidence.
J: God Almighty.
R: If you're going to get abusive, then I'll call security.
J: Sorry, but I'm not being abusive…Jesus is the Son of God Almighty.
R: I thought as much. Been drinking have you sir… or smoking the wacky backy ?
J: No…an Angel came to my wife and told her she would become pregnant with God's son
R: Is that what she told you?
R: And you believed her ?
J: ER..yes…you see, an Angel also came to me and told me the same thing. The Angel also said that Jesus would save people from being punished for their sins.
R: I see…. Speaking to Angels is a common, everyday occurrence for you and your wife is it, Sir ?
J: No, it only happened once.
R: You're mad… absolutely barking… If you don't leave now, I'm calling security.
J: Look, I'm not mad…I only want to register the amazing birth of God's Son.
R: Not listening…go away [R starts humming, and busying with forms, ignoring J, who eventually shrugs and leaves] .Complete fruitcake.. why do they always have to come in here and waste my time…any more nutters and I'm closing early today.
NEXT !! [enter 3 kings]
K1: We are 3 wise men
K2: We have travelled from afar
K3: We are seeking a new born baby
R: Well, we get lots of babies registered here, can you be more specific ?
K1 He is destined to be a great king.
K2: He is the chosen one, the Messiah, the one who will save the people from being punished for their sins
K3: We were led here by his Star, which we have been following in the sky.
R: Right, that does it, I'm out of here. Not Listening…goodbye.
[exits, leaving a sign on the table saying "Closed"]
K1: Why is it that everyone can accept a baby…
K2: But as soon as you mention that the baby will be the saviour of the world…
K3: So many people just stop listening. [Pause & exit].
C. Nick Clarke, 2005, all rights reserved.
This script may be used without payment, provided no entrance charge is made for the performance. In return, the author would like to be told of any performance. He may be contacted at email@example.com