Christmas Cookery

By Simon and Sue Kingham


A TV chef demonstrates how to create the perfect(!) Christmas.




Good evening. People often say to me how do you make that perfect Christmas. Tonight I want to show you just how easy it is.

All the ingredients for the perfect Christmas should be fairly easy to find over the festive period. Before you begin, remember to pre heat the oven. It should be 350F, 180C, gas mark 4.

Right, we're ready to start. The 1st ingredients are a small group of carol singers. I always wrap them carefully in some nice warm clothes, then pop them somewhere cool like a fridge for a few hours because we want those carol singers to be nicely chilled.

First into the bowl goes the tree. Then take some gold stars, a small Santa, some coloured baubles and lots and lots of tinsel. Mix together, making sure you incorporate all those branches.

Take another Father Christmas and soak in sherry. Beat for a short time, and add a reindeer. Now this is my favourite bit, take a generous helping of mince pies and a big bag of presents. Fold them together into a smooth paste. We leave that for a short time.

Now just wait a minute while I nip out and do an enormous amount of shopping for gifts for all the relatives including Old Aunt Ethel who I only ever see at Christmas.


Hello again. Back to our Christmas concoction.

Add a few crackers, throw in a handful of cards - more if you're popular - and when it starts to gel, add in that secret ingredient, the last-minute family argument. Give it one last big stir

Now we are ready to blend everything together ... this is the point to add the cold carol singers we prepared earlier ... and put the whole lot into the pre-heated oven. That will be ready in 25 days.

So let's just run through those ingredients again.....

* Cold Carol singers

* Christmas tree

* Tree decorations (silver stars, small Santa, baubles, tinsel)

* 2 Father Christmases, the more the merrier

* Sherry

* Reindeer

* Mince pies

* Lots of Presents

* Crackers

* Christmas cards

* and that all-important family argument

If you didn't get all that don't worry there'll be a factsheet available at the end of the evening.

Now we can't wait 25 days so here is one I prepared earlier. (Pull out of oven small nativity scene – look surprised.)

Goodness me, I forgot to add the baby Jesus to the one I just made. Oh well, just add some more sherry.


© Copyright Simon & Sue Kingham. All rights reserved.
This script may be performed free of royalty, provided no charge is made for the performance. In return, the authors would appreciate being notified of any use. They may be contacted at