Written by Paul E. Russell
Daniel had no idea the impact his actions would have on the taming industry. After spending a night in the lion's den, the humble lion tamer was changed forever. 'The Lion Tamers' focuses on Neil & Drew, two out-of-work lion tamers trying to cope in an all-new world.
Drew & Neil - Lion Tamers Drew and Neil enter wearing top hats and sparkly
jackets, one carrying a chair the other a whip. One carries a sign that says
"Will tame for food".
Neil: Any work
Drew: (Sadly shakes his head)
Neil: I had a two-day job last week trying to tame a wild dog.
Drew. I got half a day teaching a poodle to balance a ball on its nose.
Neil: Ruined! He ruined it for all of us. People never think how their actions are going to impact on others.
Neil: I remember the days when lion tamers were revered, treated like saints and paid like kings. We travelled to exotic lands and everyone wanted a piece of us.
Drew: Are kings paid?
Neil: That's not the point.
Drew: I would think in a monarchical society, the king would not actually receive a salary, just the benefits of that leadership. Now if you said treated like kings and paid like teachers, I would have understood.
Neil: Fine, fine teachers … you know what I mean.
Drew: Yeah, everyone wanted us.
Neil: But not now. If we can't do that, then people just aren't interested.
Drew: It was pretty impressive though.
Neil: Impressive, impressive, call that impressive.
Drew: um . . . No . . Horrible . . . . Sorry, Neil .. . Just horrible.
Neil: No, I guess you're right.
Drew: You bet it was incredible.
Neil: I don't know if I would go that far.
Drew: I mean, he walked in there with no training, no whip, no chair and wow…
(A man walks past)
Neil: Sir, sir need anything tamed … lions, wild dogs, bears, large cats…
Drew: … kittens, children, we bring our own whip.
(Man ignores them and keeps walking, disgusted by their attempt.)
Neil: Yeah I admit it. It was pretty brave to walk into a lions den if you haven't ever done it
before and had no training. But I heard a rumour that the lions had had all of their teeth removed and had pads on their claws.
Drew: Who told you that, drunken Dave?
Neil: I heard it from a reliable source close to the palace. Besides he isn't always drunk, and he is pretty close to the king.
Drew: I don't think vomiting on the queen makes you that close to the king. Besides, my brother is the king's royal guard and he swears that those lions were not missing any of their points.
Neil: And how would he know?
Drew: He was training to be a lion tamer and it was his job to try and catch the lions. They have lost six men in the past seven months trying to catch those lions, and it was because of this that the king decided it would be a good place to put the Jew.
Neil: What does your brother do now?
Drew: Last time I heard he was chief shoveler in the elephant cages.
Neil: So he's keeping fit then.
Drew: (Nods and smiles)
(Tamers look off stage and start walking off while talking)
Neil: Sir, sir need a tamer?
Drew: We're the best, we'll tame anything.
Neil: Kittens, puppies…
Drew: … large insects.
This is a Paul E. Russell script. Please notify him by email if you choose to produce this skit. His address is firstname.lastname@example.org . The writer would also appreciate any feedback and photographs of the production.